Friday, October 10, 2014

Essential Oils and Homemade Baby Wipes

Homemade Baby Wipes- Help Prevent Diaper Rash!

I have not used these recipes on Rylee but I have a plan too.  Now that she is teething she has formed her first rash.  I love essential oils and have found them very helpful with Rylee when dealing with fever, teething and now diaper rash.  Below you will find 2 recipes that can be used when making your own wipes or just using a cloth.  I know many mommies who are using cloth diapers and this would be ok to use with them.   
Baby Wipe Recipe 1

2 cups water
1 tsp. Dr. Bronner's Unscented Baby-Mild Pure-Castile Soap
3 drops Melaleuca
3 drops Lavender

Combine ingredients in a spray bottle.  Spray on paper towel or cloth wipe right before use.

Baby Wipe Recipe 2

1 cup water
1 Tbsp. Dr. Bronner's Unscented Baby-Mild Pure-Castile Soap
1 Tbsp. Apricot or Almond Oil
2 drops Melaleuca
5 drops Lavender

Combine ingredients in a spray bottle.  Spray on paper towel or cloth wipe right before use.

Essential Oils are an everyday use in our home.  If you are interested in knowing more about essential oils let me know.  Even if you do not live in Colorado I can still help you!!
Take control of your own health care.    

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Oregano Vs Amoxicillin

Educate yourself! Take charge of your own healthcare!

I don't know about you. But antibiotics were a thing in our family while my girls were growing up.  My girls would get your ear infections all the time. I would take them to the doctor and they would always prescribe an antibiotic like amoxicillin. I did not have any idea that most ear infection will eventually get better on their own  (according to web M.D.)

When my girls were young I knew nothing about the idea of taking control of my own health care.  All I knew as a young mom was if your kid was sick you took them to the DR.
If I knew then what I know now I would have made a lot of different choices.

Essential oils can be the first thing that a parent goes to before choosing to use an antibiotic. There are times when an antibiotic might need to be used but it will not be the first thing that I go to now.

Essential oils do not claim to cure, heal, or treat anything but then in comparison Dr's practice medicine.  I would much rather not put synthetic medications in my body if I don't have to.

Couple drops of oregano on your feet sure beats the cost of a Dr visit!!

Contact me if you would like to know more information about Essential Oils.  I would love to have a one on one consolation or have a class with you and a couple of your friends!

Start Education Yourself because no one else is going to do it.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

His Work

His Work

May the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands for us; yes, establish the work of our hands.  
Ps 90:17

I begin day two of praying for my husband with a text from my husband saying: “Day going Bad”
My husband texted me his wife to ask for prayer.  To lift him up to the King of Kings what an amazing privilege.  

Not knowing what day two of the “Power of Praying Wife” held for me I was not surprised that God had me praying for his work (because thats how God rolls)

I started out remembering Day one of my prayer time for David….Don’t be overwhelmed by the many ways to pray for David, allow the holy spirit to lead me, and remember that I may not see answers to my prayers right away.  

As I am thinking about my husband, I’m thinking about how his job does not acknowledge him for his hard work.  My attitude turn ugly toward them.  God corrects my thinking and I begin to pray for those he works for too.  Now that is not as easy as it sounds when people come up against your man.

Amazing things happen to our heart when we pray for another person.  

We can stand in the gap for our husbands by praying for them and the work that they do.  David is an amazing provider and somethings I take advantage of that by not thinking him for all he does.  

Here are some very practical ways to pray for our husbands and the work they do…

*That his gifts and talents would be revealed 
*That he would know the calling God has on his life
*That doors would be opened to him 
*That he would become all that God created him to be
*That he would find fulfillment, and confidence
*That he would develop skills that would become more valuable over the passing year

Lord I Pray today that you will show me how to encourage my husband when whose he works with are doing the very opposite.  Show me how I can show him appreciation for the hard worker he is for his family.  Lord thank you that I have a man that is willing to work hard for his family and also has his priorities inline.  May David be planted by the stream of your living water which will bear your fruit all the days of his life.  Amen

Tuesday, September 9, 2014


Esther 10

What could be more important than a persons reputation.  Well, a few things but it definitely ranks up there fairly high.  
I have always been concerned about how people see me.  My reputation has been something that I strive to make sure is positive.  

I remember thinking after I became a Christian that I wanted my kids to remember me when I pass as a bible thumbing momma.  It is important to me for my kids to see me reading and living out the scriptures.  

I have always wanted to be seen as a person that loves her husband and respects and submits to him.  

I want those looking at my life to know that yes I have made billions of mistakes but that my heart is not vindictive and that I desire to love more than I hate.  

I also want those watching this bleep of a life to know how much My Savior means to me and how He changed my life from ashes to beauty.  

As I finish reading the book of Esther I realized that the one thing that was keep intact was Mordecai's reputation.  He had a good reputation among the Jews and the King.  

It was also a good reminder while reading Esther that even when the world looks like it is in the hands of evil people, God is still in control and he protects His people.  Although we may not understand everything that is happening in our life we can trust that God is in control.  We also need to maintain our integrity by doing what we know is right, even when it would be easier not to.    

No matter how hopeless the condition, or how much we want to give up and throw in the towel we need to remember that God is in control of our world.    

This is sometime easier said than done.  Our family is dealing with some hard things right now.  I have ask God many time Why? and questioned His decision to have our family carry this certain cross.  I keep hearing Him say "Monica I am God and you are not".  Although I know this I sometimes act like I am in control.  I try to act like I know better.  
There could not be anything farther from the truth.  
While I'm asking God to help me and show me what I can not see for myself, I am also continuing to pray that the cross be taken.  With that said, I end my prayers with but if you choose not to I will still serve you.  I want to leave a reputation of a person that followed God to the ends of the earth carrying what ever my lot.  

In the end I want to live a life that magnifies that He is God and I am not!

Monday, September 8, 2014

God's Goodness

Esther 9

My bible reading today was from Esther 9.  We see in this passage that the Jews have been given the right to defend themselves.  We have here a decisive battle fought between the Jews and their enemies, in which the Jews were victorious.  Haman has been killed and now his sons receive the same fate as he does.  
Reading this chapter I am struck by a few different ideas. 
The main thought is of Gods Goodness to his people.  What looks like a total possible annihilation of the Jews turns out to be a victorious fight for the Jews.  
However, they take nothing from their victory in means of possessions.  This was left because victory was not theirs but Gods.  
Interesting fact about this fight was that they gathered themselves together in their cities.  If they had not had an edict to warrant them, they may not have done it.  Had they acted separately, each family apart, they would have been an easy prey to their enemies; but acting as one, and gathering together in their cities, they strengthened one another, and face their enemies. 
Wow!!!  We talk a lot about relationships at MPC, about the R in C.O.R.E.  (C-corporate worship, 
O-Others focused, R-relationship with other believers, E-education of Gods word)

This passage talks about Gods people uniting together to defeat the enemy.  
Today the enemy would like nothing more than to separate us so that he could pick us off one by one.  
However, when we are in fellowship with other believer, when we are standing shoulder to shoulder against the enemy we are able to stand stronger against the enemy and draw strength from one another. 

Today we see so many people bashing and talking about other believer or other churches.  We see lots of people fighting and taking other beleivers to court over stuff.  
I think that we need to be very careful about this.  Yes I believe that we need to warn people when false teaching is being taught or when something is being said that is unbiblical but bashing just to make ourselves or our church look better can be very harmful to the body.  The big C-church as a whole.  
I don't say this without fingers pointing back at me.  I have been guilt of this on many occasions.   I hope that as I mature in Christ,  I begin to see things the way He sees them.  That my eyes are open to the things that hurt him and that they begin to have the same impact on me.  

I want to make it very clear however that when a church or its pastor begins go down a road that looks and  feels unscriptural that they should be called out.  I also believe that their are some that seem to look the part but if you listen carefully to their teaching you'll find that its really about them and not about God.  I believe that scripturally as believers its the obligation of the church to point this out.  
This is very different than just talking down about a church or pastor to make yours look better.   

Ok enough of that soap box!

Sometimes when I'm wrapped up in my own problems my own stuff I stop looking up.  I stop looking at where my help comes from.  The Jews relied on the goodness of their God and the justice of their cause, and resolved to make their utmost efforts against their enemies.  
I need to remember that my fight, my enemy is not flesh and blood but against the rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Eph. 6:12) Amen

Join me as I begin a two week journey to get Spiritually Ripped.  Catch up and listen to the past messages they are really good!!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014


I talked to my Team Members on Sunday about the type of vision we wanted to have-
Panoramic Vision

 types of vision that we sometimes can have-
Myopic, tunnel, peripheral

I want for all of us to see the BIG picture.  To see beyond ourselves, beyond what only our eye see.  

Vision is SO important.  

I left Sunday feeling like oh I certainly have the capability of doing that in my Ministry but wow is that hard to do in my life, with my kids.  

I have began to read another book on prayer, which I am loving.  It is by Stormie Omartian, called Just enough light for the step I'm God in the Tough Times.  

I have been enjoying this book very much.  I have been doing the study guide in the back during my quiet time and have found it to be very good for my soul.  I recommend buying it if you have not read it before.  

What I believe has been most fascinating thought is this over arching theme of trusting even when there is very little light.  When I have not idea where the situation that God is leading me to or through is going to take me.  

Easy enough right...just trust God in the tough times?  Nope not so easy.  Even after all theses years.  Yes I admit it has gotten easier, but definitely not easy.  I have lots of reservations still.  Which I know must hurt Gods heart.  He has done so much and has never failed me and yet......

Life is a walk.
Each day we take
steps.  Our tomorrow 
is determined by 
the steps we 
take today.  

Today as I continue on in my walk with the Lord I am choosing to not stay still but to take another step closer to him.  Knowing that he will be there with me to help and support no matter what.  


Monday, September 1, 2014

I know how to count...... 1,2,3

Sometimes, life seems to just go by day by day, month by month until you look back and think, wow where has the time gone?  

There are other seasons where you find yourself counting down the minutes.  Realizing that you have managed to get through five or even 20 without thinking about this or that situation.   

God has made us so wonderful, this I know.  My brain continues to think on many nights way past what my body believes is a good thinking time.  
Sometimes I have to talk myself down off the thinking train long enough to get a few good hours of sleep so that I'm able to function the next day.  

Recently my brain is in over drive.  A desire for more information about certain topics is driving me crazy and maybe my husband too.  God is continuing to talk to me and explain that He's got me and my family and that all the knowledge is not going to be enough because what I am lacking right now is........FAITH

Seems like such an easy thing right?  He has always been faithful right?  He has never steered me wrong, has He?  And yet when I come to this fork, the fork I've been to before, different situation different time......always the same fork will I choose to trust him or will I choose my own road I stand scared.  

Not because I don't know which way to go but because I don't have any control.  When I feel a lack of control the forward motion ceases.  I feel like I'm in quick sand.  Have you ever felt that way? 

Oh God why?  You have not changed.  You are still the same God as yesterday!  Why do I doubt?  

And so as I ponder choosing His way, living by FAITH and not by sight I will count because that is one thing I have not forgotten how to do.  

I will count all the ways he shows up in my life.  I will count all my blessings.  I will count every way I see Him moving in my life and sometimes the way he sit right beside me while I cry.  I will choose to even in the hard Eucharisteo count.  I will choose to count I know how to count.....
  1. thankful for western medicine and holistic medicine
  2. for a husband who knows no end to the way he loves me
  3. for the opportunity to be the mom to 3 little kids who came to me at different times, at different ages, but found their way to my home and into my heart forever                                              
and the counting begins, again so that I may see Him better 


Monday, August 25, 2014


What I looked like after cupping
Yep call me what you want but I will just about try anything once, as long as its legal and not against what the bible says.  
Today I went for an acupuncture treatment.  
Oh boy, I always enjoy how I feel afterwards.  
And today....was no different.

However Jerry, the  acupuncturist did a procedure called cupping.  It really has not been "proven" to work but many non traditional holistic medicine people believe it does.  

Basically here is the low down....a suction cup, a diabetic type needle and weird round bruising afterwards ^ as picture shows above.  

I try all kinds of things and enjoy learning alternatives to modern medicine, cupping included.  Although it looks like it must have hurt, it really didn't.  In fact, I left feeling very rejuvenated and refreshed.  I had tons of back pain and shoulder pain and left with no back pain and minimum shoulder pain. 

I love the look I get when I tell my boss what weird thing I'm doing now.  Most he would never try and laughs on the inside and outside at me when I tell him what I have done or are doing.  
 I enjoyed very much letting him know I will be leaving to have needles stuck in me, on purpose.  

Although I had no idea about the cupping I agreed to it and hope that I see extra relief from it too.  I text my boss to see if he knew what cupping was.  I know him pretty well and he most likely googled it.  I never heard back from him so i figured he is still shaking his head and laughing at me...oh and thinking what a freak I am.  

All the above might be true but the one thing I do know is that my back and shoulder feel better, and I don't have to take any medicine that will destroy my liver. 

So since that is the case I will be returning on Wednesday for more that sounds weird :) 

"I don't want to pray"

On Saturday I overheard my husband talking on the phone and what I heard coming out of his mouth is not something I want to hear again.  My oldest daughter had been held up at gun point at a local bank.  A gun had been pointed at her head and $3000 of her companies money taken from her. 

She was not by herself another employee was in his car not far and tried to protect her but the gun was then turned on him.(please pray for him. He is having a hard time and I don't know if he is a believer)  

As I sat holding my 5 month old, freshly bathed, grand daughter I began to cry.  I knew she was safe, I knew he had not harmed her physically, he had not harmed her coworker physically, but I knew then he had taken something.....her sense of safety.  

Tons of emotions went through my head and I began to thank God for keeping her safe.  I had actually been praying for her all day.  A friend and I had gone to lunch and within a 30 minute period of time 2 prayers were lifted up for her regarding another situation.  I had no idea that God would be answering our prayers for her that day in a much bigger way.  

As I waited for my baby girl to get home I called upon some prayer warriors to pray for our family, for Jelissa.  I literally called people, I posted on Facebook and I called upon our lifegroup to pray pray pray!!! And let me just say no one let us down.  We had text messages and calls coming for 24+ hours.  We had people willing to drop everything and come to our house if we needed and we had people posting on their Facebook pages to pray for Jelissa.  I loved seeing the Church lift her up and cover her in prayer the way they did.  

When my baby walked in the door I knew she would need her momma, and she sure did.  Her head immediately hit my chest and tears ran. As I held her I thanked God over and over for allowing me to hold her again.  

It was a long night of talking and talking and crying but we finally made our way to bed.  Jelissa did not sleep all night but her brother woke up and came down and watch TV all night with her.  (Sure glad it was a Saturday night)

As I went to bed the event kept playing over and over in my head.  It was hard to stop thinking about it.  Eventually I found myself thinking about the man who had done this to my daughter.  I felt so many emotions.  I keep hearing God tell me to pray for this man.  I remember rolling over and thinking 
"I don't want to pray"
I eventually did give in and found myself being obedient to God.  I did pray for this man who had done this horrible thing to my daughter.  I have prayed for some hard things in life but this was close to the top.  
Forgiving a man who holds a gun to your babies head, and asking that he finds God that night was hard but I did it.  I will continue to do it so that hatred and anger will not build up in my heart as Satan would like it to.  

God never said this road would be easy or this life here would be easy, He did however say we would never be alone.  I am so glad that He is with me, He is with Jelissa and that He was with her that night!  
He is so Faithful!!!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Doterra Wellness Advocate


I recently became a Doterra Essential Oil Wellness Advocate.  I'm super excited.  I began to use essential oils around 2 months ago because I needed to find an alternative way to help my daughter who has ADHD.  

We had tried medication last year and it turned her into a little girl who ended up being scared to walk on grass, and refused to separate from us.  It got so bad that when she started Kindergarten after several weeks she was crying everyday, rocking under her desk, and having so many melt downs that she was unable to continue school due to her emotional break downs.  

I normally don't share this much about my kiddos.  I feel that in order for you to see the whole picture you have to know the beginning.  So we pulled her out of school, took her off all ADHD medications which included stimulates during the day and sleep aids at night.  And the worse part is NONE of this helped my little girl at all.  In fact it changed her personality and who God had made her.  

Fast forward to 2 months ago......I knew school was going to be starting and I had no idea what we were going to do.  She definitely has ADHD she needs help to focusing and a little side note a lot of people who deal with ADHD also have issues with depressions so this is another area that we have to deal with regularly.  Oils!!  Sounds kind of Witch Doctor to me!  

Seriously I used those words :)

At this point I would try anything and especially something that was all natural.  
I have been using oils for 2 months now.  Is everything perfect?  No she still has had a bad day here and there but it is nothing like it was.  She has started school and in the past 2 plus weeks she has only had 1 bad day.  Which is so much better than it was before oils.

I love these oils.  They have worked for several things in my house from headaches, stomach aches, fevers, and sleep issues.  We use them all the time.  

Would you like to find an alternative to using synthetic medicines.  Would you like to replace your medicine cabinet with Natural Solutions.  Let me know.  I would love to let you know what we are doing in our house.  I would love to show you a Natural Alternative to Modern Medicine.  

More about what oils I’m using coming soon!!

Email questions to

Monday, July 14, 2014

Eagle Lake Camp

My boy went to Camp this past week.  He had an amazing time.  He started the week off wanting to do artery.  Of course the one thing that he wanted to do the most did not happen until Friday the very last day.  He took to artery easily.  I was so proud of him.  His best friend stood behind him and cheered him on.  I was so glad that him and Lucas were able to be in the same group.  They got really close and we really like Lucas and his family a lot.  Camp was the best and D can hardly wait for next year.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Dehydrating Herbs....

So while I was down in Otis Colorado for the 4th of July my wonderful sister-in-law gave me TONS of herbs out of her garden.  I love fresh herbs!!!  However, with that said I was given so many that I began to think immediately what I would do so that I I did not waste any.  

Both her and my mother-in-law have mint peppermint and spearmint growing at their house.  I dug up lots to "try" and grow at my house.  If you know my at all your surprised that my kids are still alive because I don't have a green thumb.  In fact now that I think about it when it comes to gardening I am thumb less, can't grow a thing.  (however I have managed to kept 6 kids alive so that should count for something lol)

Any who.....I brought home parsley, chives, rosemary, Greek oregano, tarragon(I've never used this spice so send recipes please), BBQ rosemary, Greek thyme, spicy oregano, cilantro, sage, and the wonderful basil.  

I had so much that I thought first should I freeze it?  But in the end after much deliberation dehydration won!!!

Spearmint plant that we are putting in the background!

This last picture is mint that I decided not to dry out and not to plant.  I have been putting mint into my water and my ice tea.  Oh boy does it make my drinks taste yummy.  So I decided to leave some in water on my counter to take root.  This here is peppermint but I also have a spearmint one on the counter too.  Sure makes drinking water a whole lot easier. 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Still In Love

I got to go to Otis Colorado for the 4th of July which is so fun for me and my family.  This year was very different.  My father-in-law just had his second knee operated on in less than 8 weeks.  

It was the first time that I got to see him.  He is doing so good.  I have never seen him on drugs which was very interesting :)  the slurred speech after he took his medications made me laugh. 

He slept a lot and ate very little which is very out of character for him.  He also has a physical therapist come and exercise with him several times a week.  

One of the exercises that he has to do causes him extreme pain.  He dreads doing this exercise and the worse part is he has to do it 2 time a day and it takes him approximately 12 minutes to do.  

I heard him and my mother-in-law talking about him having to go into the room begin.  I sat in the recliner in the living room and I could see my in-laws laying on their bed beginning the exercise.  The next thing I heard was singing.  For the next 12 minutes my in-laws sang hymns while doing the very painful stretching.  

I watched them lay on the bed hugging each other singing hymns.  
It bought tears to my eyes to watch them 2 times each day love on each other.  

I did not grow up seeing parents love on each other like this.  So this is so foreign to me.  I am so blessed to have the privilege to be a part of this love story that is so beautiful. 


Wednesday, July 2, 2014


Yah what in the world is EO.  Well I have recently entered the world of essential oils..I have now attended 2 classes and the more I learn about oils the more I know that I really want to use them for my family. 
God made our body to do amazing things. And when given good nutrious food and natural herbs and vitimans the body can do amazing things all without the synthetics medications drs want to prescribe.

I'm super excited learn as much as I can so that my family can be as healthy as they can be. 


So I've decided not to use facebook anymore. I guess the main reason is it was no longer uplifting to me anymore. I find myself more upset by the comment than anything. I see so much gossip and church bash that I finally had enough. I don't care if you don't go to my church, I don't care if you like hobby lobby or not.  Don't get me wrong I care about people. I care about their relationship with God but using facebook to bash the church is not ok. Jesus loves the church. He loves His people. I love the church, I love His people. It was just hurting me inside. 

In the end facebook was about connect to people seeing their kids, seeing people from far away not a place where I wanted to see peoples political agenda argued or even discuss hobby lobby and birth control. 

By the way that it just a couple reasons for leaving. I also don't like family drama. I don't want to be a part and a good way to avoid it is to not get involved. I don't want to be the facebook family stalker.  
"I wonder if so in so posted anything today, or look she is doing" (and then I'd be upset) which is what I was doing. I'm sure God was really please with that.....NOT

So all in all facebook was not a health place for me and for that reason alone I must step away. 
I will be posting here and on twitter more regularly. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

GG Joy & PaPa Paul Visit

Who drives 3 hours one way stays less than 12 hours just to meet their Great Grand daughter.  GG & PaPa.  Rylee Grace is one loved baby girl!

These two have people have been there for me more in the past years more than I can count.  Wow does God know how to pick them.  I got the best husband in the world but how in the world could a girl get so blessed to also get the best Mother and Father in-law in the world.  They have sat on the phone and listened to this girl cry many times.  They have dropped what they were doing to come help me take care of my kids, cook food, clean my house when I could "literally" not get out of the bed".  

"Oh how blessed I am"

The women below holding my grand baby has loved me like her own daughter.  She does not judge my past only looks to how I love her boy.  She prays for me often and tells me often that she does.  Many around me complain about their mother-in-laws how they get into their business all the time and say things that are offensive, mine does not.  

I have not had the best relationship with my own mom in the last few years and that has been very hard.  And while no one can replace the need for your own mom to be there in your life nurturing you, guiding you, helping you, I'm super glad that I do have someone as wonderful as my mother-in-law who will try her best to do what she can to help my fill that void.  I love you so much momma Joy!  

Monday, April 7, 2014

3 Gifts Waited For....

Today I got a phone call from one of my girls letting me know that she will be moving closer to home.  My family has been separated in 3 different states for a while.  Then it went down to only 2 states when Keisha moved home.  Today a waited gift for this momma when a phone call came saying that she will be moving to Longmont only 1 hr and 40 mins away :)
I have been waiting to feel better and today is better than yesterday.  I had a rootcanal on Friday and have been in a lot of pain for several days. I have been taking lots of pain meds waiting to get another appointment.  Today I feel a little better. 
I have been wanting to set aside time to do a few things I love and I have been able to do that the past few days.  It has been nice.  I have enjoyed blogging again, crocheting, and sewing.  
Thank you Lord for all your gifts!! 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Grandpa and Grandma

I love that my kids have several Grandpa's and Grandma's that have adopted them in the church.  These very special people adopted my family some 15 years ago.  I could not image life without them.  This man not only told me about Jesus but he dunked me and helped me wipe my sins away.  He has answered many questions for me over the year some deep and some dumb but he has never made me feel weird whatever the question.  No matter where I go Stan will alway be my Pastor. 
When I think about a Proverbs 31 women,  Ruth is who ALWAY comes to mind.  This women has a heart of Gold.  She is an amazing women of God.  She loves the Lord with all her heart and it just comes out of her pours.  I could sit at her feet and listen to her for hours.  She loves with all that she is and everyone that is in her presence can feel it.  I have received many phone calls from her asking about my family and how we are doing when we have needed it the most.  (She just knows)
God has put amazing people in my life but non more amazing than these two people.  My kids love them and I love them more than they will ever know.  I thank God for them.   


C Trying to do Grandpa's Hair haha


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Where did the time go?


I can hardly believe that my boy is 7.
7 years old.  Wow life has flown by.  We have had lots happen in the past 7 years. 
The one thing I know for sure is that this boy of mine is like no other. 
His heart is sweet and he loves with all of it.
He loves friend and Lego's so much. 
This boy stole his mommas heart from the moment I saw him.  He is so teachable and wants to please no matter what he is doing. 
D has learned so much this year and although he is only in 1st grade he is currently reading and comprehending at a almost 3rd grade level.  He loves his teacher and loves going to school.  Although I have gone back and forth about homeschooling right now we have chosen not to.
I thank God for my son and I am blessed to be his momma. 
Happy Birthday D you are such a blessing!

Friday, November 8, 2013

Oh boy or girl.

The rambling of a soon to be grandmother......this may make no sense to anyone but me ever but I needed to get it down so that one day I could look back and see how far I'd come.

Almost 2 months ago I got the new that I was going to be a grandma.  
What does a mom who does not have any son-in-laws do with this information.

To say that I was devastated would not have even begin to cover how I felt.  I could not get past the "How could this have happened"
Now being a mother of 6 I knew exactly how it happens.....the sperm swims and finds the eggs......... Yes, I saw "Look Whose Talking in 1989" I think Im showing my age now.  Oh well!

Anyway there were many nights I could not sleep.  I cried myself to sleep.  I had to stop and figure out what all the crying was about.  I literally felt a lost that I had not felt in a very long time in my life.  

As I talked to my other kids.  They could not understand my grief.  They did not understand my anger.  They did not understand why I was still having such a hard time.  

On many occasions my words confused them.  I spoke about my loss.  How I had felt she had stolen from me something I was looking forward to, being a grandmother, and covered it with Sin.  The sin of premarital sex.  
They could not understand how I spoke of loss instead of excitement.  
They could not understand the loss of baby showers due to the loss of celebration of pregnancy.  
They could not understand that I spoke of how her Dad and I felt as if we sinned because of having to go to the church, because WE were in leadership, and telling them about what had happened.  The shame we felt is something they would not understand unless experienced I believe.  

Where I needed understanding from my kids I found more resistance and at times arguments that lead to more hurt.  Where I needed a mom it's going to be ok, I felt I got mom you're not ok.  

Yes this post seems a lot about me.  This really is what its about the internal battle that was going on.  I had to immediately the next day begin to deal with a situation I did not want to deal with.   Less then 12 hours later I was taking my daughter to the Dr because she was very sick.  As everyone continued to discuss what meds she could and could not take I sat in my chair and cried.  I wiped the tears as they slowly ran down my face as I watch my little girl enter into a life I never dreamed for her.  

Oh the tears came and they just seem to not want to stop.  I wiped the water from my face for the dreams I know would never happen for her, for this baby as he or she was now going to be raised by a single parent because dad wanted nothing to do with you at least right now.  The tears came as I remember the hard nights I had.  The tears came as I wondered why God allowed the curse/the generational curse of poor decisions not to be broken even though she had much more than I had and I had tried everything in my power everyday of her life to change this curse.  

I never had the mother who told me to wait until marriage, that following after God's way was best, I never had the mom who supported me and told me I could do anything with God's help.  I did not have a dad or a step dad who loved me with all that he was and would be there for me no matter what.  

The water fell from my eyes because I did not understand why she would make this choice after see how hard it had been for so many years for her own momma.  

But she did.  Not because she did not know better.  Not because she had not guidance.  No because she has freedom of choice.  the choice to make her own decisions away from her momma.   

Isn't this how God set it up.  We all have to do it.  We all have to make the decision at some point.  We all have to make our own choices.  We are all going to mess up.  We all sin.  I made a ton of mistakes.  I still make more everyday then anyone should.  I am always having to come back and say I'm sorry please forgive me.  Oh how I hope I learn something from all these mess ups.  Boy I hope she does too.  
Now she has a choice.  Just like I did.  Who will she choose?  Who will she follow?  Will she change her ways?  Has she learned?  Only time will tell.  

On November 27 I will find out if she is having a girl or a boy.  After many tears and much anger I have finally moving to a different place.......not sure where that is yet just know just glad I'm moving forward.